Family: Can’t Live With Them, Can’t Live Without Them
Once upon a present-day time there lived an average Greek family. There was a father, named Zeus, a mother, named Hera, a older son, named Ares, an older sister, named Aphrodite, a younger son, named Apollo, and a younger daughter, named Medusa. This family loved to take road trips together, however, family feuding always erupted in such close quarters due the drawn out periods of time in the mini van and sibling rivalry. Here is a story of one such trip...
The family was off to a great start on this particular road trip to Yellowstone, in the great state of Montana. They already had two hours of driving under way and John Travolta fans, Zeus and Hera were enthusiastically, but very poorly, belting their favorite “Grease Lighting” medley in the front seats of their rustic Toyota Chariot.
“Grease Lighting, Go Grease Lighting” sang Zeus and Hera.
“Are we there yet?” shouted Apollo frantically in attempt to get them to stop singing.
Apollo was always particularly offended by his parents’ ear cringing singing, being the god of music that he was.
Soon, the apparent tranquility of the family’s happy car ride would dissipate entirely once the real quarreling between the siblings was unleashed.
“What!” screeched Medusa. “I thought he was in love with me.”
Medusa had yet again found out that one of her boyfriends had betrayed her for the love of her sister, Aphrodite, the most beautiful girl at their high school.
“Oh my god, I didn’t know that the two of you were together,” Aphrodite claimed in her most angelic tone.
“Oh, when we get back Eros is going to be tasting some serious limestone.”
“Don’t turn him into stone, Medusa. You’re just jealous that all the boys like me, instead of you. Maybe they would like you better if you wore your hair differently, cause dreadlocks were so 1990’s.”
“Dad,” whined Medusa. “Why did Aphrodite have to be so beautiful? Couldn’t you have shared the wealth just a little?”
“Sweetie, don’t be upset, the other guys will be head over heels for you; when you’re older that is. If any of those boys lay a hand on you...I’ll strike them dead,” said declared doting father, Zeus.
“Stop it,” screamed Apollo, who was getting fed up with Ares trying to strike up a slapping fight, as usual. “Mom, dad, make him stop.”
“Ok, I think it’s time for a pit stop,” Hera, said as she gave her husband a very insistent nudge.
The family then pulled off at the next gas station to fuel up and grab some snacks, which would hopefully silence the kids for a while longer.
Being the curious younger brother, Apollo had wandering off into the rural forest that was just beyond the gas station. He was admiring the beautiful sunlight that was peering through the tall fir tress when a band of armed gypsies jumped out and began to encircle him. Fearing for his life and not wanting them to steal his delicious treats, Apollo cried out for help.
Medusa and Aphrodite were at Apollo’s rescue in the next split second. Medusa flashed her eyes at some of the men and they were immediately turned to stone. Some of the others merely saw Aphrodite’s beautiful face and were paralyzed.
Some of the gypsies persisted with their weapons, so Ares defeated them with one swing of his sword like a true warrior. But the ones that Ares didn’t manage to kill, were instantaneously burnt to a crisp when Zeus arrived with his thunderbolts for the rescue of his son.
Once all the gypsies had been conquered, the family safely reconvened at their mini van. Everyone embraced each other in a congratulatory hug. It was at this moment, that they individually pondered, as they had before, just how wonderful it was that they had one another should any of them have a need.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I enjoyed reading this piece a lot. The first part really did remind me of a family squabble, and I loved the team effort to rescue Apollo at the end. The moral of the story is illustrated very well by the interactions between the family members, and I think you chose a very accurate truth. Although it's kind of cliché, you really can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em. Your sense of humor really shines through in your work – I loved the squabble between Medusa and Aphrodite (“Eros is going to be tasting some serious limestone” – hee!).
My suggestions are minor edits, mostly grammatical ones. The second sentence of your first paragraph seemed kind of repetitive and it was hard for me to keep track of the siblings. Maybe if you described each one in more detail (ie. a sentence for each family member) instead of just listing them, the characters would be more memorable to the reader. Also, in the third sentence I would add a semicolon after the word “together.” Another grammatical edit I noticed was the addition of a comma after Hera in the last line of dialogue.
Your story, like Kim's, uses humor really well to catch the reader's attention and keep it. I also agree with what Kim said about the depiction of the family squabble - the tone you use in their communication definitely made me feel like I was sitting there in the middle of one of my own family's squabbles. The issues are petty and this comes through really well. The conflict you use also portrays the family bond well. It does a good job of showing, not telling.
The main critique I have is the overuse of commas. There were a couple places I noticed that a comma was put in that broke the flow of the story. I know you're big on fluidity (just like I am!) and the story flows well with the exception of those commas. I also agree with Kim about the sentence about the family members - that stuck out to me as a bit confusing and repetitive. Good job overall!
Post a Comment